Raising kids doesn’t end when they move out. You care just as much, even with less say in how things go. In therapy, parents show up with questions, confusion, and more often than not, real frustration.
These are the things they tend to bring up the most when their children are technically grown but still take up real space in their thoughts.
“I have no clue what’s going on in their life.”
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You see them post something vague online, and suddenly you're wondering if they’re actually depressed or just being ironic. You are now feeling shut out. That used to be your person, and now you’re squinting at vague captions, guessing what’s going on behind the filters.
“They’re single and I’m more stressed about it than they are.”
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Your kid says they’re fine, and maybe they are. But you lie awake wondering if they’ll ever find someone. Not because you're judging them, but because you remember what it’s like to want stability. Even so, you’ve tried to come to terms with the fact that they’re not in a rush.
“Their partner makes my eye twitch.”
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Not every parent thinks their kid’s partner is a good fit; sometimes, it’s just that. But other times, the friction runs deeper. Expectations around work, values, or long-term goals start to clash with the reality in front of them.
“We used to do holidays together—now it’s optional.”
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They used to show up without being asked. Now they have in-laws, travel plans, or say they’re too tired. You try to tell yourself it makes sense, but it stings. That feeling of being replaced by their new life is something you carry longer than you’d like to admit.
“I help a lot, and I’m starting to feel taken for granted.”
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Plenty of parents offer support, money, childcare, and a place to stay. They do it out of love, but sometimes, there’s an unspoken hope that appreciation will follow. When that doesn’t happen, resentment creeps in. Therapy often becomes the place where you go to unpack what you were hoping to get back, even if you never said it out loud.
“They’re struggling, but they won’t let me in.”
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You can see that your child is overwhelmed, stuck, maybe falling apart a little. But they won’t admit it or accept help. And you don’t want to push too hard. In moments like that, you can only stay nearby without crowding them.
“We talk all the time, but I feel disconnected.”
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You might hear from them every day, but something feels off. The conversations are mostly logistics or surface-level jokes. It’s weird knowing their schedule but not how they’re really doing. This may be the time to shift the kind of conversations you're having, not how often they happen.
“They’re still living at home, and we’re both getting annoyed.”
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What was supposed to be temporary keeps dragging on. They moved in during a breakup or job loss. Now, years have passed, and the house is full. You want your child to move out, but saying so feels harsh. In such cases, you need to sit down and redefine expectations to come up with a way forward, together.
“I want to say something about their parenting—but I don’t”
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Watching your kid raise their own can be brutal. You bite your tongue about screen time, food, bedtime routines—until one day, you don’t. And it goes badly. Unless there’s real danger, staying in your lane is probably best. Figuring it out often means messing it up a little first.
“They’re not doing anything with their life, and I’m losing patience.”
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No job, no plan, no urgency. You try suggesting options, but it goes nowhere. You might even be funding the drift. When parents step back a bit, kids often step up. Not always right away, but over time. The discomfort of figuring things out can actually be what gets them going.
“We barely talk, and I don’t know if that’s how it is now.”
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They may be busy, distant, or both. And you’re left wondering if this is a phase or the new normal. It’s easy to assume they don’t care, but maybe they don’t know how to reconnect either. A simple message might be enough to restart things and make room for some conversation.
“They’re still treated like the baby of the family—even by me”
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Some families keep casting adult kids in the same roles they had as kids. The peacemaker, the clown, or the one who handles everything. It can be hard to shake those labels. Parents may not even realize they’re doing it until the kid starts pulling away or maintaining a distance.
“I honestly don’t understand their choices.”
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They moved across the country or took a job that barely pays. They may have even decided to sell everything and live out of a van. You don’t have to like it, but arguing rarely improves anything. A better option would be to ask questions without trying to sway them.
“I worry about their safety every day.”
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That part of parenting doesn’t end. You wake up in the middle of the night wondering if they’re okay. Not because you think they’re reckless, but because anything can happen. Your fear isn’t irrational, but it doesn’t mean that you should hover, because that worry never completely fades.
